Don’t Impose Your Decisions on Others
Do you have difficulty asking donors for large amounts of money?
One of the most common fundraising mistakes I see leaders make has nothing to do with strategy. It has to do with how their own personal decisions shape what they feel comfortable asking others to do.
I used to do a lot of work with heating and air conditioning companies. In training salespeople, we discovered an interesting correlation between personal buying habits and selling behavior.
One example involved two salespeople sent to homes with broken heating systems. In each case, customers asked for options. Both salespeople presented the same choices: repair the existing system or replace it with a new one.
The first salesperson almost always sold a repair. The second regularly sold full system replacements, often the top-of-the-line units.
On paper, it appeared one salesperson outperformed the other. But when we looked closer, both worked the same number of leads, in the same zip codes, with similar home values and economic profiles.
The difference became clear when we asked each what decision they would make in their own home. The first said he would always repair a system if possible. The second said he preferred replacing it, valuing peace of mind, efficiency, and long-term savings.
Neither approach was better or worse. But their personal beliefs shaped how they sold. The second salesperson found it easy to sell high-dollar systems because he believed in them. The first struggled to do so because it conflicted with his own decision-making framework.
In fact, it was far easier to train the second salesperson to sell a repair when needed than it was to train the first to confidently sell a replacement.
The same principle shows up in fundraising. If you would never write more than a $50 check to support a cause, it becomes difficult to ask someone else to give significantly more. If you wouldn’t personally support your own organization – or haven’t engaged in the types of giving you’re inviting others into – you’ll often feel internal resistance when making the ask.
This doesn’t mean you must do everything before inviting others to participate. But it does mean you need to be aware of how your own decision-making patterns influence your comfort, confidence, and clarity when asking.
Where you are able, I would challenge you to do what you ask of others – go first. When that isn’t possible, create comparison in other ways so your mind can make the connection and your confidence can grow. You need to process this internally so you can ask without hesitation.
For example, you may not be able to write a $10,000 check to support a cause. If you make $50,000 a year, the largest gift you’ve ever given might be $500. That was a stretch – but it felt meaningful and joyful. Writing a $10,000 check would be impossible; your bills wouldn’t get paid, and your family would suffer. How could you ask someone else to make that kind of sacrifice?
What we often forget is that not everyone earns the same income. Some people make less; but many make significantly more. A helpful way to think about this is percentage, not dollar amount. You gave $500 out of $50,000 – that’s 1% of your annual income. If you’re speaking with someone earning $250,000, asking for $2,500 is still just 1%. For a business owner running a $2M company, 1% is $20,000.
This shift in perspective makes it far easier to ask for large gifts with confidence. You’ve already given at that level – just not at that scale.
Ultimately, I would challenge you not to impose your own giving practices on others at all. I know people who make it a regular practice to give away 50% of their income. One friend comes to mind who practices “reverse tithing” – he lives on 10% of his income and gives away the other 90%.
Just because you are unable to do something does not mean someone else can’t – or won’t. Your role as a leader is not to decide what others should give, but to invite them into an opportunity to participate at a level that aligns with their capacity, values, and calling.
